Ngaua Te Paepae

Karakia Ngau Paepae Hamuti, Hei Arai Atu I Nga Mate Tapu, A, Whaiwhaia Ranei,

Or Biting the Beam of the Latrine to Avert Tapu and Witch-Craft.

The sick were often cured by means of the paepae hamuti. A sick person would be taken or carried to the tohunga matakite (seer), who would divine the cause of the illness. Perhaps a tapu had been broken or a sacred place desecrated. The sufferer would be taken to the parepare, or lavatory, and told to bite the paepae or beam. No matter what the condition of the beam, the sick person would obey to ensure restoration to health. As the biting took place the priest would repeat:

“Ngaua i te pae, ngaua i te wehi,
Ngaua i te upoko o te atua.
Ngaua i te rangi e tu nei,
Ngaua i te papa e takoto nei.
Whakapa koe ki te ruahine,
Kia whakaorangia koe.
E tawhito nuku, e tawhito, rangi,
E tawhito pa-mamao,
Etawhiti i Hawaiki.’

In English.
Bite the head of the demon.
Bite the beam, bite the terror,
Bite the heavens above,
Bite the earth below.
Have recourse to the ruahine
That you may be succoured.
By earthly tawhito celestial,
By distant tawhito,
And at distance from Hawaiki.

Sobering thoughts, lying in bed and can’t sleep….wondering if it was the punch in the head my little cousin got from his Father only 6 months prior which may have told him he wasn’t worthy- why he’s ended up in the court process now and accused of murder. …I’m not stupid, it was a chain of events that occured over his lifetime and that particular hit did nothing to say I love you my son – you are worthy! You are a leader and I’m proud of you!

But last I heard,  my Uncle was feeling the pain in his heart for his son, he has begun sending him money to help him out while he’s in there – he’s been there before so he knows what its like…..he’s hurting because his 21 yr old son could be staying inside for the next 20 yrs…

He had his 21st birthday last year and my sister went back for it – she told he got his patch and is in a gang now and I was mamae then, hurting for him because I didn’t want him caught up in all of that, getting led down the wrong track……and I was wondering then if there was anything we could’ve done to prevent that…maybe, but I didn’t know at the time…….I’ve started writing to him while he’s inside now and he’s interested in his whakapapa Family tree and wants to hear more stories, so I am sending what I’ve collected over the years…….he said he wasn’t interested in it before but now he is….

 My early memories of his mum and dad together were good ones and his older sister they were a close family – somewhere along the line Uncle lost it- I have a feeling childhood memories came flooding back, well thats what I heard (there was a conversation between him and another brother – he was confronting him of their abusive childhood and what else I can’t remember)  but that was just the beginning of a downhill journey I think…..one thing after another started going wrong for Uncle, he left his family they broke up, he ended up in Jail alot - then my Grandfather died (he was the glue that held this family together) they began to unravel – my aunties and Uncles many of their lives just turned to shyt when he was gone…..lots of wounds there aye and if you don’t get them sorted out, get help, take it seriously and get counselling or healing it will rear it’s ugly head with a vengeance, turn on you, chew you up and spit you back out…..”wounded people, hurt people” and many of us in my generation were casualties at one time or another…..

When I look at this little cousin of mine; I see more than just the above blurbs – I remember!………I remember this little boy with a doting daddy who loves him, good times and I see the bad too, I know the hurt they went through their family and when they were split apart – the effect that must of had on those kids, the shame of bad behaviour not only from his dad but other family members too and how that reflects on you…..I look at his life and see him on a track like some of the prior generation in the whanau…….and I hope this is the turning point….I hope for change….

My heart breaks and times we weep for those who’ve gone down the wrong track and lives ruined for stupid decisions & stupid mistakes…..I’m doing the Butterfly project because of this little cousin …..In my spirit I knew I should be working with women in prison but I tried to run away from it and say I can’t do it…..I had my stereotypes on people in prison and they were the last people I wanted to work with….BUT then it hit too close to home when my closest cousin (who is like my sister) nearly ended up in prison almost losing the battle of “breaking the chains” that was a close call for her and she’s been getting counselling etc to change…..but when my little cousin ended up in prison that was too much and I just cried and cried because I have a heart for generations and I know him from a baby…..I look at the women I’m going to work with differently now and I’ve got a heart of understanding and I see them like my extended family so to speak – they will have cousins, family, friends that love them and hope for the best for them too

I know its tough to change but we have to think outside ourselves, we have to think about the bigger picture, have a big vision for the future that gives us hope for a brighter day and strength to “never give up” and fight for it…..Anger into Action…..

Uncle Takuta Ferris taught me a haka war dance that he wrote called Ngaua Te Paepae – an image comes to mind of biting down onto the beam of the latrine and if you want something bad enough you will do whatever it takes to get full restoration and change.  When I go through tests I remember that haka and another image that comes to mind is one of those pit-bull type dogs that bite down hard on a stick (lock jaw) and no matter how hard you try, you won’t get the stick out of that dogs mouth – you could even lift the stick up high in the air and the dog will still be attached to it lol

In difficult times we need to have lock jaw attitude when it comes to our dreams and visions for a brighter future and never give up….I remember Ngaua te Paepae and I say I won’t let go – My hope for my family and for all the women I get the opportunity to work with post release is they have that same tenacity to not let go when it gets tough, to never give up and say I’m biting down for my healing, I’m biting down for change, I’m biting down for my children, I’m biting down for a better life and no matter how hard you try to take that from me, I AM NOT LETTING GO OF THIS DREAM!!

 This is war!!!!GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!